Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Mommy is not Here Right Now…

Do you ever have those days when you wake up and think, “This isn’t for me. Did I make a mistake? I don’t know if I am cut out for this job.”? Or answer a “Momma!” with “She’s not here right now.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, most days. Other days, a banana split or an ice cold…Dr Pepper would suffice. This is one of those days.

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Those days when I question being a stay at home mom.

When I have a baby who is screaming because I am not holding her. Because I have to clean up the mess my toddler made. Who is screaming in his time-out chair. Because he wouldn’t help me clean up the mess he made.

When I wake up early enough to take a shower by myself, but end up sharing it with my two year old because he woke up early. Turn the shower off, and hear the baby screaming because she, too, woke up early. (Air-dried hair and no make-up it is. Again.)

When I drink too much coffee and get a caffeine migraine, and just want to puke.

When my son spends 10 minutes in his time-out chair screaming and crying and throwing a fit because he won’t do his “school” work and asking to watch his favorite movie instead. (Almost threw in the towel on this one…But I didn’t.)

When I turn on Christian music to feel more Christian. BUT. It. Doesn’t. Work! Instead, it makes me madder. (You know what I’m talking about!)

When my toddler calls, “momma” a million and one times for no reason.

When neither of us has patience, and both of us are having a stubborn day.

When my toddler has gotten more spankings today before nap time than he did all of last week.

Yesterday looked so promising. I found an awesome Christian, toddler curriculum. We did story time. Music time. Craft time. Play time. We did potty stickers. And chore stickers. I was super mom.
Today, I woke up like Cruela Deville.  It is not pretty.

I question God’s plan for this part of my life. “ME? A stay at home mom? What are you thinking, God? You know I almost have my master’s degree, right?”
I think of all the other jobs I could be doing. (Can’t I teach or coach, instead? I could be a banker. I could finish my degree. I could do HOUSEWORK!)

  • These are the days that I NEED Jesus the most. These days when I don’t feel like a good mom. Heck, I don’t even feel Christian most of the day. (Seriously, I feel guilty singing Jesus Loves Me…)
  • These are the days when I need to sit down with my notebook and Bible and have serious one on one time with Jesus.
  • These are the days when I need to get with my other mom friends and know that I am not alone.
  • These are the days when I need to ask for help. (My hubby has already said he would take little man to the park tonight after supper.)

BUT, then at nap time, when I am pretending to be asleep so my toddler will fall asleep, and he kisses me and says, “I love you”, and smiles at me like I am the best mom in the world…that’s when I know I can make it. This is right where I need to be.

It might be hard. I might feel like quitting every other day. But it’s what God has called me to do. And it’s worth it.

A man’s steps are established by the Lord,

and He takes pleasure in his way.

Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,

because the Lord holds his hand.

Psalm 37:23-24

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