Monday, August 17, 2015

Finding Joy in the Mundane

Why do we as women believe the lie that we are worthless? I struggle with this daily.

Two years ago, I posted a blog labeled "Here's My Cape...I am not Super Mom". This post is as relevant in my life (add one more kid) today as it was two years ago. I am not in Portugal anymore, but I still get overwhelmed with the everyday routine. Maybe not overwhelmed. Maybe more overqualified and discontent.

Not many people know this, but while I was in Portugal I was severely depressed. It was not the picture-perfect situation that I thought it would be. I had been dreaming of living overseas and being a missionary since I was a teenager, and the actual experience brought me to my knees. I fought with David constantly, and I ended up resenting the culture and the people. (The people and the culture are beautiful, but I had a heart issue that made me blind to that fact.) The only person I could rely on was God, and it is only by His grace that I survived that stage in my life.

Now that I am home, I still struggle with depression. I relate so much to the movie Mom's Night Out where she says, "This is it. This is my dream and I did it and why am I not happy?"

I cook and I clean and I change diapers. It is mundane. It is boring.

And Satan whispers, "You almost have your Master's degree. This is beneath you. What are you doing with your life?"

I heard over the radio a musician saying that he wants his kids to change the world, and while I want to see my kids change the world, it almost brought me to tears thinking that I was a failure to my parents. Why would they ever be proud of me? I will never change the world.

But, then, that still small voice tells me that I am doing what He has for me at this season of life. I do the dishes to be the helpmate my husband needs me to be. I change diapers and sing the ABCs and The Wheels on the Bus a million times a day because my children are important to me and my full time job. I am teaching them about Jesus and life, and that is what He has called me to do. He has also given me a chance to use my seminary training in teaching young women about Jesus and His Word. He has given me several roles to fill. And at this point, any other longing or discontentment is selfishness on my part.

So for now, as always, I have to rely on God, even to get me through the dishes.

1 comment :

  1. if you are raising babies you are touching the future; the most important thing there can be!